Let’s Stay Together: The Art of Negotiating in Marriage

“Where is the compromise?” It’s a question I often ask couples sitting across from me. The answer? Silence. Many couples skip negotiating altogether, heading straight for resentment or, worse, divorce. But here’s the truth: a strong, healthy marriage is built on more than love—it’s built on compromise.

As individuals, we’re constantly growing and evolving. The same goes for marriage. What worked in the beginning may not work five, ten, or twenty years down the road. Needs change, roles shift, and expectations often go unspoken. Instead of letting your marriage fall apart, why not come back to the table and renegotiate?

Why Negotiate?

Negotiating isn’t about losing; it’s about staying connected. It’s saying, “This isn’t working anymore, but I’m willing to find a way forward with you.” It’s about addressing what never worked, what no longer works, and what it will take to build a better partnership.

Too often, couples head for divorce because they feel stuck—trapped in unmet expectations and unresolved frustrations. But most of the time, those expectations were never even voiced. Negotiating creates a space to talk openly, to find solutions, and to recommit to making the marriage work.

How to Start

1. Name What’s Not Working: Sit down together and share honestly what feels out of balance. Be specific, not accusatory.

2. Listen With an Open Mind: Instead of defending your position, try to understand where your partner is coming from.

3. Find Common Ground: What do you both want for the marriage? Focus on shared goals, not just individual needs.

4. Create a Plan Together: Decide on changes you’ll both commit to, and revisit the conversation as needed.

   
   

Marriage isn’t static. It’s a partnership that requires effort, flexibility, and, yes, negotiation. Instead of letting unmet needs and silent expectations tear you apart, use them as a reason to reconnect and rebuild. Staying together doesn’t mean ignoring the cracks; it means working together to fill them.

So, where is the compromise? If you don’t know, it’s time to start talking. Negotiation could be the key to not just saving your marriage but creating a stronger, more intentional partnership moving forward.

Cheers to you and yours as you add Negotiation to your Marriage Tool Box.

Sincerely,

Sileta.

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