The Power of The Curious Stance in Building Stronger Relationships

In relationships, we often focus on expressing our feelings and making our perspectives known. While this is essential, one skill that often gets overlooked—and yet can transform relationships—is curiosity. Specifically, adopting the curious stance can pave the way for healthier, more resilient connections.

As a Marriage Therapist, I’ve learned that truly understanding someone requires curiosity. In the therapy room for instance, when I take on the curious stance, what I am really doing is putting myself in a position to gain a deeper understanding of my client’s thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. This is not about agreeing or condoning; it’s about genuinely trying to see the world through their eyes. This approach often uncovers the why behind their actions, ultimately leading to powerful insights and breakthroughs.

In relationships, taking the curious stance can feel uncomfortable at first. For many, it may seem like giving up their position or validating what they believe to be wrong. However, curiosity isn’t about surrendering your stance—it’s about learning. Imagine saying, “I’d love to understand why you feel this way” instead of jumping to conclusions. Often, this opens the door to deeper conversations and even those “Aha!” moments where everything clicks.

For example, I’ve seen partners realize how their assumptions about each other were driving their conflicts. By being curious, they discovered underlying fears, past experiences, or unmet needs fueling their disagreements. Very often, this curious stance helps them to a place of mutual understanding, where they are able to see their own mis steps. They are also able to validate each other's feelings while finding common ground.

When both partners adopt the curious stance, they create a foundation of respect and empathy. They build a bridge where differences can coexist, connection can flourish, and the relationship thrives.

So, the next time you find yourself at odds with your partner, or even a friend or colleague, try asking, “Can you help me understand your perspective?” You might be surprised at how curiosity can lead to connection.

Stay tuned for more insights on interpersonal skills that can transform your relationships!

Cheers to you and Yours!

Sileta Bell.

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