To The One Who Cheated...

To the one who cheated,

I want to take a moment to speak directly to you, as a therapist who has seen marriages crumble and rebuild after infidelity. You may be feeling a whirlwind of emotions right now: guilt, shame, anger, or even pain. Yes, pain—betrayal leaves scars on both sides.

You might secretly wonder if your partner shares some blame. They didn’t make me feel wanted. They pushed me away. These thoughts may feel like an escape from your guilt, but here’s the truth: cheating is a choice, no matter the state of your marriage.

Forgiveness Takes Time

If you’re hoping for quick forgiveness, remember that healing after infidelity is a slow and fragile process. Trust—once broken—takes time and consistent effort to rebuild. For your partner, the betrayal may feel like the ground beneath their marriage has shattered. Their emotions may swing from anger to deep sadness to fear, wondering if they can ever trust again.

Can you give them the space to grieve? Can you stay present, even when their emotions feel overwhelming? Seeking therapy, both individually and as a couple, can be a vital step to navigate these complex emotions.

Can You Trust Yourself?

Healing also requires looking inward. Can you trust yourself not to make this choice again? What led you to step outside your marriage? Were you running from something? Or chasing a feeling you thought you’d lost?

Understanding your reasons isn’t about justifying your actions. It’s about taking accountability. Only then can you begin to rebuild not just your partner’s trust, but your integrity.

What They Might be Going Through

It’s easy to focus on your own shame or guilt, but can you try to see the pain through their eyes? Infidelity often leaves the betrayed partner questioning everything—What did I do wrong? Was I not enough? They may feel devastated, angry, or numb.

You cannot undo the pain, but you can acknowledge it. You can listen without defensiveness, validate their feelings, and commit to being a partner they can rely on, even in their darkest moments.

A Balanced Perspective

Yes, relationships are shaped by two people, and no marriage is perfect. But when faced with difficulties, cheating is not an inevitable outcome—it’s a decision. True healing comes when you balance understanding the struggles in your marriage with owning the impact of your actions.

Whether this leads to reconciliation, divorce, or something in between, the road ahead requires patience, accountability, and courage. Seek therapy, reflect deeply, and walk this path one step at a time.

Forgiveness and healing are possible, but they will not happen overnight. The question is: are you ready to do the work?

Wishing you strength and clarity as you move forward.

Sincerely,

Sileta Bell,

Marriage and Family Therapist

Interested in working one on one with Sileta Bell? Schedule a Free Consultation.