What is Love? Putting Words To A Complex Human Experience

Love is one of the most profound human experiences we can have, yet it’s also one of the most misunderstood. As a marriage and family therapist (and human), I often hear everyday people struggle to capture its essence in words. And to be honest – I at times struggle with this too. Here’s what I know to be true: love is more than a feeling. It is complex.

Love can arrive like a sudden gust of wind, sweeping us off our feet and changing everything in an instant. It can take root in our hearts during moments of vulnerability, or creep in quietly when we least expect it. But love can also leave. Sometimes it drifts away softly, almost unnoticed. Other times, it takes flight abruptly, leaving behind a void that feels impossible to fill. And when love goes, we’re left wondering: Did it ever truly exist?

The thing is - love doesn’t always look or feel the way we expect it to. It can be paired with the most beautiful acts of kindness, tenderness, and sacrifice. A partner staying up late to support you during a hard time, a friend showing up when you feel most alone, or even the quiet act of forgiving someone who’s hurt you—these are all love in motion.

But love can also be intertwined with actions that challenge its very existence. Betrayal, neglect, or indifference can make us question everything. Yet, even in those moments, love may still linger. It may not be the kind of love that feels warm and comforting, but rather a love that’s bound by duty, loyalty, or shared history.

One of the hardest truths about love is that it doesn’t always feel good. There will be times in any long-term relationship when the spark seems to fade, when affection gives way to frustration, or when the weight of life’s challenges overshadows the joy of connection. In those moments, it’s easy to feel like love has vanished. But love is more than a feeling—it’s a practice.

Loyalty, for instance, is one of love’s greatest expressions, especially when it’s demonstrated in the absence of the feeling. Staying committed to someone when it’s hard, choosing to show up even when your heart feels distant, is an act of profound love. It’s in these moments of choosing love—when it doesn’t come naturally—that its true strength is revealed.

Love, in its purest form, is a daily practice. It’s in the small, seemingly insignificant moments: making a cup of coffee for your partner, listening without judgment, or offering a gentle touch as you pass each other in the kitchen.

It’s in the conscious decision to nurture the relationship, even when it feels one-sided or unrewarding - and let me say - I KNOW - this is not sustainable. Which brings me to the next point: LOVE IS A CHOICE.

Sometimes, the most loving thing you can do is to step away, to let someone go, or to protect your own well-being. Love is complex, multifaceted, and often contradictory. It’s as much about giving as it is about letting go.

When love comes, embrace it. When it goes, honor its departure. And in the in-between, remember that love is not just something you feel—it’s something you do. It’s a practice of showing up, of tending the garden, even when the bloom is gone. Whether love is present in its fullest form or lingering quietly in the background, it remains one of life’s greatest complexities and gifts.

I can go on and on about what love is.

What are your thoughts?

What is your understanding about what love is?

Be sure to leave your comments below.

Cheers!

Sileta Bell.